F. M. L.

I come home after a long day at work. I have a screaming head ache and all I want to do is lay down.

I tell the children:

Me: I'm going to lay down for 30 minutes. I'm setting the timer on the over so I know I need to get up and check the chicken.

Kids: Cool! We will go outside and play.

Me: Fantastic idea!

So, I'm laying down. And for some reason all four decide it would behoove them to start screaming outside my bedroom window. I proceed to walk over to the window and bang on it to get their attention.

Apparently, I hit that shit just right and BLAM! Broken inner window pane. *fuck* is the only thing I can think at this moment.

The children thought that this was absolutely HILARIOUS and start laughing at me.

Me: you think this is funny??!! Get in the house. Sit on the couch and don't say a word to anyone until Bruce gets home. Oh, and Justin and Jeremy, give me your phones since this is sooooooo funny.

I. Am. Done.

Picture This...

So, it's kind of been my goal the last couple of weeks to REALLY embarrass the boys while dropping them off in front of the Junior High.

This morning was no different, but for one thing... I was EXTRA amazing.  So, I decided that this morning's moment of embarrassment would be brought to you by Biz Markie's "Just a Friend".  No big deal, just a great song to blare on the stereo.  But I wouldn't be me if I didn't go that extra mile.

Here we are, pulling up in front of the school, and I have the music BLARING.  Justin and Jeremy are already hanging their heads in shame.  That's when I roll down the window, as the chorus comes on, and YELL:

OH BABY YOU, GOT WHAT I NEEEEEEEED
BUT YOU SAY HE'S JUST A FRIEND
AND YOU SAY HE'S JUST A FRIEND
OH BABY
YOU GOT WHAT I NEEEEED
BUT YOU SAY HE'S JUST A FRIEND
AND YOU SAY HE'S JUST A FRIEND

Justin may, or may not have put metaphorical gun hands to his head and "shot" himself.  And I have never seen Jeremy run that fast into school.  Ever.

The only thing I was missing was someone to ride shot gun in order to video.  

It. Was.  AMAZING!

I have attached the song for your listening pleasure.

Judgement Throne

I've realized that when I'm out in public, that I really can't stand other people's children. For example, whilst out the other evening with Bruce, we watched these children running all around and screaming. This made me turn to Bruce and say:

Me: Bruce I need to leave.
Bruce: why babe?
Me: because I'm going to punch a child in the face.
Bruce: now Nina, calm down. It's not their fault.
Me: Bruce, you know I would never punch a child unintentionally. Lets leave now.

In the car, I started thinking about what he said. He's right (yes Bruce I just said that you are sailing by in your ship of right while I float along in a sea of wrong). It's not the child's fault. It's their parents.

So here's where me sitting on my judgment throne comes in. Why do parents just let their kids run around and act like hooligans?! It's really just not appropriate. Here I am trying to set a good example for my children, and here these little ass munches are running around all crazy and junk. Then I have to explain to my kids when they ask why they can't run around, because boys, their parents don't care enough about them to show them how to act like a human being in public. Then it creates this unending cycle of judgement. Now whenever we're in public and my kids see this kind of behavior, they too step up to my throne and sit with me for a while. Justin will say, "Isn't it a shame that those parents don't love their children?" And Eric would say, "Mom you would totally beat my butt if I did that. Why don't their parents?"

So parents of the world that feel like they're doing their kids a favor by letting them "express themselves" in public, please stop! You are creating judgmental snobs in my children. Remember, there is a way to allow them to express themselves in a civilized manner. 😝

Quote of the Day

Courtesy of Eric.

While watching " How It's Made" an episode about how Blue Bunny ice cream is made in Iowa.

Eric comes running the second he hears ice cream.

Eric: Oh I'm definitely watching this.

Bruce: Well come on then.

Eric: Dad, where is this place?

Bruce: In Iowa, son.

Eric: Can we go there? Because I need to be there. Bad.

This kid cracks me up.

Close The DOOR!

What is it about boys and NOT closing the damn bathroom door!?  DISGUSTING!  CLOSE THE DAMN DOOR! No one wants to see your bare ass; and no one wants to see you sitting there in concentration!

That is all.

One of those days...

So I'm having one of those days where I want to stay in bed and do nothing. ( Some of you that know me argue, isn't that you everyday Nina? To you I say SHUT UP!)

Everyone's being pretty good. Minimal blood shed has occurred. So I decided let's add fuel to the fire and get them all hocked up on hot chocolate. It was pretty amazing nut now the kids are wired no them I say... OUTSIDE!

The moral to this story: when you want quiet, get them wired so they'll want to run outside for a good few hours, then have them come in, eat dinner and crash. So not only do you get the few hours they're outside playing, but you also only have to spend a max of an hour with them before they're ready to crash for the night n

You're. Welcome.

Required Shower Time

Did you know that there is a required shower time? Yeah, me neither. The following conversation just took place...

Eric: Joey that's sick. You didn't shower near long enough.

Joey: yes I did!

Eric: no you didn't. That shower was only three minutes long!

Jeremy: our dad is amazing enough that he can shower in a minute and a half and still be clean.

Eric: that's impossible. The required shower time is at least seven minutes. That way the hot water can wash off all the impurities and flu germs. Joey, next time try at least seven.


It's at this point that I'm crying laughing in the other room. Because Eric is LEGIT upset about this. Oh. And Eric has inherited my towel obsession from me. God forbid anyone use his towel.

Constant entertainment I tells ya!