Quote of the Day...

We were all riding around in the car trying to figure out where we were going to eat tonight.  We were going to try and go to Olive Garden, but the wait was LONG.  So driving around, I mentioned Big Lou's; which is the best and biggest pizza EVER. 

The following then took place:

Me:  How about Bravo India Golf  Lima Oscar Uniform?

Bruce:  No.  Jeremy doesn't like pizza.

Justin:  You mean Big Lou's???  YES!!! Let's go! 

Joey:  What's Big Lou's?

Justin:  Only the best pizza EVER!

Eric:  YES!!!  LET'S GO!!!

Bruce:  No we can't.  Jeremy doesn't like pizza.

Joey:  You suck Jeremy!

Collective:  HAHAHAHA!

Joey:  I'm sorry that wasn't nice.  Let me rephrase that.  You suck balls Jeremy.

Me and Bruce:  BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Me:  Joey, that wasn't nice. 

Joey:  Well, it's true. 


Yup.  That would be your child, Kathy.  LOL!!!!!!!

Trading Rules...

The following conversation took place this morning:

Eric, Joey and I are getting out of the car.

Eric:  *grabbing the umbrella* Hey mom, remind me when we get the blue car back that I left my green umbrella in the trunk.

Me:  Well, we won't be getting the blue car back, but I grabbed your umbrella.  So don't worry. *smiles*

Eric:  Why won't we get the blue car back???

Me:  Because I traded it for the new one. 

Eric:  So we won't get it back???

Me:  No, honey.  Sorry!

Joey:  Yeah, when you trade something for something, you don't get it back.  I learned that with Pokemon cards.  Rules is rules.

Me:  HAHAHAHAHAHA! Truth. 

I. Love. Crock Pots.

Just wanted to throw a little shout out to my crock pot.  He made life so easy today.  All I had to do was throw some ribs and some spices in him and he made some DELISH ribs that fell right off the bone.  And I didn't hear one complaint. 

Thank you crock pot.  Thank. You.

Lazy...

Would be the exact word I would use to describe boys.  They. Are. LAZY! 

Would it hurt you to pick that Shhh...stuff up off the table that you left there?
Would it hurt you to pick up that dirty pair of underwear off the floor in the bathroom?
Would it kill you to rinse out the sink after brushing your teeth (if they brush them at all)?

These are just a few of the things that are bugging the absolute piss outta me.  For those of you who know me well, you know that I may, or may not, have a tendency to be a bit of a clean freak.  Well, I'm fighting a loosing battle.  I will never win.  Ever.  My house is destined to be a complete mess for the next 8 months. 

So, if you decide to pop by for a "surprise" visit, please don't judge me.  It's going to be a mess.  It's going to smell.  And I'm probably going to be drinking.

That is all.

ATTENTION JOEY'S PARENTS...

You will be so proud of your little boy today.  The Librarian told me that she has never been so proud of a student before.  A little boy dropped $20 at the book fair today, and Joey picked it up and returned it.  There is such a shortage of honest children in the world, and you should be proud that Joey is among them.

I'm a little teary eyed right now.  I'm not even sure Eric would return it...LOL!

ANYWAYS!  Be proud.  Be very, very proud.  I know I am.  You have done well with him.  I hope I can nurture this behavior.  I know I'm trying.

"Shirtless Saturday"

Today has apparently been deemed "Shirtless Saturday"  and the boys are now the "Shirtless Squad".  I'm so excited....... They are now all running around singing "Bottoms Up".  I've never been more proud as a parent as I am, Right. Now. (yes, that was sarcasm)

Achilles Heel...

Possible example of my "before" cabinet

We all have our Achilles Heel, mine just happens to be my Tupperware cabinet. You open it, shiiii... stuff falls out.  I clean it out all the time, but it inevitably ends up the same way.  Stuff. Falling. Out. On. The. Floor. 

Well, tonight, I was getting ready to put away food, and I walk over to the cabinet with defeat in my hear.  But when I open the door, what do I see, but organization?!  Someone had cleaned the cabinet out!  It was beautiful!  More so than when I do it! 

Jeremy had cleaned out the cabinet for me.  I'm not gonna lie, I cried.  I hate that thing almost as much as I hate mopping, and it was done for me.  Sometimes it's the little things guys.  Needless to say, Jeremy and Justin (because apparently he "helped") got a sweet treat. 

I love these kids.

Progress Report, Part Deux

I want to take a moment to tell the world how proud I am of Justin.  He has worked his little booty (nod to National Talk Like a Pirate Day) to get A's and B's.  He has fought through his dyslexia and really shown a great deal of improvement.  I couldn't be more proud if I were twins.

On another note, Jeremy should be receiving his report tomorrow.  Duh duh duh duh!!!

Progress Reports

I am proud to report that the 4th graders living in my house are geniuses. 
You're welcome, Universe. 
You're. Welcome.

Eric's Progress Report

Joey's Progress Report

Axe...

There was one point in my life where I thought that the smell of Axe body wash smelled really good.  Well folks, no more.  With the two older boys using Axe body wash and deodorant, I now want to PUKE every time I smell it.  It's everywhere.  And it's not just Axe, it's Axe mixed with boy.  And it does NOT smell good.

Now, the rest of my house is starting to smell like Axe, Boy (which consists of feet, ass and hormones), and pumpkin scented plug-ins (because I am desperate to get this smell out of my nostrils). I don't know what to do.  Short of bleaching my house from top to bottom, I am at a loss.  So any suggestions on how to rid my house of the smell Baxe (axe+boy) would be greatly appreciated.

In the mean time, enjoy this commercial, brought to you by Axe...

Mother Father, Sister Brother...

I hate going to the store.  HATE. IT.  But add four boys to the mix, and I really just want to commit Harry Caray.  All the grabbing and constant getting in other people's way, and then the, "Can we have this?  Can we have that?"  OH. Em. GEEEEEE!!!!

I know I've said I'll never take all four of them to the store ever again, but I really had no choice today.  And I truly thought that they would heed my "mideval" warning.  But apparently *cussing* not.  Words that I say go in one ear and out the other. 

AND THEN.  There's dinner.  I made Buffalo Chicken in the crock pot.  I even used the "mild" sauce. 

Boys:  It's spicy.  It's too hot.

Me:  Man up.

Eric:  What's that spicy I taste?

Me:  American. 

Bruce:  *Getting all scientific talking about  capsaicin*

Me:  It's called being Texan.  Eat it.

Moral of the story, suck it up.  And that includes me.  

 

Am I a Bad Parent...

... because I consider watching "How I Met Your Mother" spending quality time with the boys???  I don't think it's bad.  We just enjoy it so much!  And Justin thinks Barney Stinson is the man (yes I should probably discourage this heroism). 

Anyways, back to the Parent-of-the-Year Awards, I stand by my "quality time".  We all laugh, we all cry, and then we laugh some more.  What more could a parent want?  Sounds of joy from their children. 

Dear Ms. Kim...

Thank you for taking Justin and letting him have some time away.  His voice when he called me a little while ago really lifted my heart. 

Justin:  Hey Mom!  Guess what we just saw?

Me:  What baby?

Justin:  A double rainbow all the way!  And now we're hunting snakes.  I'm having SO MUCH FUN!  Thank you for letting me get away!! 

Me:  I'm glad baby.

*tear*  I love this kid.  He's been such a trooper.  Everyone should have a kids this great. I feel sorry for you if your kids aren't this cool. 

And Kim, I don't care what Kary says about you, you're alright.  :D

I Spoke Too Soon...

Some of us mothers choose to walk in the evening to vent to other girlfriends about our day.  I am one of those mothers.  My favorite part of the day is when I get to walk with my friends and vent.  So, I left today on this adventure thinking, I'll go for a quick walk and then come home and finishing cleaning... blah blah blah... whatever. 

I enjoy my walk with Michelle, and return home.  To find complete chaos.  Well, not that the kids were running around and being crazy or anything.  But Justin was just in tears.  And I'm not one for tears.  So, I find out that Justin and Jeremy had a bit of a disagreement, which included the hitting shiiii... crap, that I mentioned in the "Come to Jesus Meeting".  Well, needless to say, I had ANOTHER Come to Jesus Meeting with just the two of them. 

I don't know if when I speak, the words coming out of my mouth sound like Chinese?  Or if they really choose to just not give a damn.  But I think now, they know, without a doubt, that I will beat the shiiii... I will lay hands to Jesus on the next person who touches the other.  I was actually quite calm about the situation.  I am very proud of myself.  So, of course I take to this blog to share my feelings, because I really just want to punch someone in the face.  With that being said... GOOD NIGHT.

Get. Out. Side.

... Is what I just told the boys.  They need to get outside and be boys.  No more watching TV and playing video games (it's SO quiet now!).  Plus it gives me time to reflect upon today.  Nothing really interesting happened today.  And I'm going to inform you that I'm OK with it being quiet today.

However comma the evening is still young.  I'm sure some kind of hijinks will occur; Soon.  

After School Follies...

After school, the boys have about 25 minutes to hang out until I'm done with work.  So they hang out in the Library.  Apparently today, the young ones decided to show their ass.  Running around and causing havoc in their wake.  Let me also mention that I have two extra, as I am responsible for Kim's boys today as well. 

So, when the boys came to the office in preparation to go home, I the younger ones line up on the wall.

Homey Don't Play

They stood there until I was ready to go home.  I'm not playing reindeer games anymore.  When we got home, they each got to write a whole page of sentences stating, " I will respect the Librarian."   Again, Homey don't play.  They know the rules.  And they chose to ignore them.

My favorite part will be when Eric gets to put all his legos in a trash bag and I put the trash bag in the trash/garage because that sh*t is expensive.  And I may have Joey add his while they're at it, because I warned both of them last week about acting up in the Library. 

This all may sound harsh to some of you, but if I don't stay on top of these kiddos, they will run all over me.  And "Homey the Clown"  Don't. Play. 

Come to Jesus Meeting...

Last night we had a Come to Jesus Meeting.  It was pretty amazing.  We did the usual threatening techniques.  And some new ones.  I even had bullet notes so I wouldn't forget to hit all the points I wanted to make. Basically, what it boils down to is...
1.  No one is the boss of anyone, except me.
2.  No one can put their hands on anyone in a violent way, except me.
3.  No one slams doors in this house, except me.
4.  And no one can scream in this house, except me.

I think they get it now.  It's been pretty calm today.  Maybe it's because we ventured out to Chuck E. Cheese today (two hours of my life and $60 I will never get back).  But at least they all had fun.

Anyways, my favorite part of the meeting was when Bruce said that he had no problem letting everyone sleep on the front porch if they couldn't follow these simple rules.  Then he turns to Eric and says:

Bruce:  Eric, tell these boys how it feel to sleep on the front porch?  (Back fill on this story... one night Eric was screaming for some reason I don't really remember, and I told him to grab a sleeping bag and a pillow and go sleep on the porch if he wanted to act like that; so he did; only for five minutes, but it was very effective)

Eric:  *sniff sniff* It was the worst day of my life.

Me:  *grabbing my note pad that I took notes on and throwing it up in my face so he couldn't see me laughing*

Bruce: *giving me the stink eye*

Bruce also threatened to have them all out back cutting the grass.  With scissors.  It was amazing.

I'm sure we won't have anyone sleeping on the porch.  And I'm pretty sure they all have a healthy fear of Bruce now. And hopefully I won't have to lay hands to Jesus over the situation. 

I Am a GOOD Mother

I went and bought cupcakes at my favorite cupcake place today.  I bought six.  One for each of us.
Two strawberry, two lemon, one chocolate, and one vanilla.  The only thing I wanted in life was that lemon cupcake.  I had been thinking about it all day, through dinner, and pretty much all week. 

When it came time to eat them, I asked each little person what they wanted.  Joey and Eric wanted strawberry.  No problem.  The problem came when Justin and Jeremy both wanted lemon.  So what do I do, I sacrifice my lemon so that both boys could have a lemon cupcake.  I am a good mother.  Does that mean that I can have an extra glass of wine? 

I'm living this... Right now.

Why do I keep getting ugly looks when I say, "Get your ass outside!"  I mean, we could only play outside.  And use our *imagination* (said in sponge bob's voice). 

Get outside and play.  Yes, it's hot outside.  But you will live.  Go ride a bike.  Go play catch, tag, or some sh*t like that.  Don't stay in my house and complain that there's nothing to do because I won't let you play video games on school nights.  Get over yourself and go be a kid. 

That is all.

Corrections...

Is anyone else tired of kids correcting them?  I know I am.  I'm pretty sure I've gotten through life this far and I do not need another person correcting.  I have my mother, father, father-in-law, husband and sisters that constantly think that it's OK to correct me.  And for the most part I'm OK with that.  But teenagers and pre-teens need to recognize that I'm going to get absolutely MEDIEVAL if they correct me, ONE. MORE. TIME.

I don't care if you think you know better.  I don't care if you think that I'm wrong. Know that from this moment on, I am ALWAYS right.  And if you know what's good for you, you will keep you big mouth shut.

OK, now that I have that off my chest, I feel a little better. 

Now for that drink!

Ice Cream Silence...

What's the one thing that can silence all?  These things right here. -------------------->

I got a box, and the boys all had one.  Bruce walked in from outside and looked around the room, and the only thing he could do is laugh.  He said it was the most quiet he's heard the house since the boys got here.

*Side note*
Joey was WAY into eating his.  It was totally cute.  I wish I had my camera with me, I should have recorded his tryst with the drumstick.

*Side note 2*
 The drumstick is totally under appreciated and underrated.  I forgot how amazeballs they are. 

Communism...

I live with a bunch of communists.

First off, no one, except Joey who is most definitely American, wants cheese on their burger!  Who are these people living with me???  Then there's Jeremy.  This young has informed that he does not like the following:

Pizza
Cheese
and wait for it...

BACON.

Let's all take a moment.......................................................................................

I really don't know how to handle this.  I'm a little out of my league here.  Bacon is candy from the gods.  It's food jewelry.  I think I just need to take a moment to process this information.  I'm sure I'll become accustom to living with Communists; hopefully sooner rather than later.

Credit for this Photo goes to Brandi.

Quote of the Day...

Goes to Jeremy...

Joey:  Hey Jeremy, I need help with something.

Jeremy:  Yes, Madam Josephine!

Joey:  You're so dead.

I couldn't make this stuff up, folks.

This. Is. Amazing.

And totally my influence...

He sort of reminds me of Napoleon Dynamite here.

Woman's Work...

Today after school, Justin went with Kim to pick up her daughter from Daycare.  Of course, Justin wants to go with her, because Kenzie is his girl.  So, when Kim gets back she proceeds to tell me a story.  Here it is:

Kim:  So Justin, how's things going?

Justin:  Oh my gosh, Jeremy is constantly telling me what to do.  He just nags, and nags and nags just like a woman. And I told him that he acts like a woman.  So now, when he tells me something, I look at him and say, "Thank you ma'am!"

Kim: *LOL*

This is honestly, the best story I have ever heard.  Justin definitely takes after his mother.  In a very good way.  

Then, after Justin comes home, the following happens:

Me:  Justin, I love you.

Justin:  What?

Me:  I love you!

Justin:  Why?

Me:  I just love you, that's all.

Justin:  You're scaring me!  Wait... Are you blogging this???

Me and Kim:  *LOL*

Proud Parenting Moment of the Day:
Eric doing air guitar to "Sweet Home Alabama". 

Border Wars...

Justin asked to watch "Border Wars", without Bruce being here.  I'm a little scared.  I'm sitting here watching all four boys watch Border Wars.  I don't know if I should be proud, or worried. 

Quote of the day goes to Eric...

Eric:  Hey Mom, can we go to Scotland so that I can see the Loch Ness?

Me:  Well, that's kind of far away, being that it's in Europe and all.  It might be a while before we can go.

Eric:  I just really want to see the Loch Ness.

Me:  Do you know what "Loch" means?

Eric:  Sheeeyeah!  *while saying this in a British accent*  It means "Lake" in Scottish.  Oh, and mom... Harry Potter. 

Me:  *laughing my butt off*  Eric, just for that, I'll make sure we go to Scotland. ASAFP.